I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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