I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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