Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
