Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
