There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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