i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Holy shit dude........stairs
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