"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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