she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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