I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
