when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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