My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
