I wish I only lived at night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
