What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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