I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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