I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.