I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.