So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
