i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
