he puts the penis in happiness.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
