there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
