In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
