3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
