She is in my trunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
