Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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