don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
