I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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