Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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