what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
