Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
