i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
