Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
