Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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