so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
