My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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