I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
