He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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