If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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