Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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