So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
