My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
