so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
