there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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