You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
