My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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