just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
