I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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