you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
