The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
