last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
