first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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