Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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