dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
