talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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