she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
