Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
