I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize