please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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