since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
