I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
